Because The World Did Not End in 2011 ~I Should Receive a Mail

I wrote to myself a year and some months ago. Hell, I had actually forgotten it.

 

Hey, Kiddo.

Finally, your letter arrived.

Somehow, at one point over the past year, I am excited to receive your correspondence ~but I have waited in agony and became oblivious of your mail.

Firstly, I am still awesome.

I still think of myself as awesome. All good. The year that was had been good to me. I am continuing the assignments you have given me. Some projects were finished, some were still on progress ~and I do not have any idea as to when I’ll finish the remaining projects. You know, it’s kinda hard as there were lots of distractions along the way.

Some months later after you composed your letter for me, I started to cut my diet by not eating carbohydrates. And that was stupid. I’ve been eating meat cooked in an unhealthy process and that made me sick. I’m taking too much protein without doing exercises. I’ve been taking vitamins and supplements without fruits and veggies on my meal. I reduced the carbs on my diet and the last thing I knew was I’m maxxing out my health card. The diet crashed me and I lose weight. I lose weight and I did not like it. My body collapsed. It took me until some months before I regained what I lost. Hell, you know I just wanted to look good.

And then I stopped blogging for a moment because of the projects slash dreams both you and I wanted. We’d give everything just to get those dreams, nah. All things are progressing according to plan but in the middle of everything, I realized I did not know what I’m doing. No, no. ~I am just having some hard times. I told myself that I wanna take some rest. Believe me, my endeavors were there but the inspirations were gone.

So I took a hiatus on everything. I removed myself from ‘my’ social networking life to be able to do all things I love. You know, it’s nice to be back living my life again. It’s nice to do laundry at night. It’s nice to clean my bedroom. And I told myself I’ll be on social networks less and less because it’s consuming much of my time that I should have been spending with every one else at home and to myself.

Yes, yes. The Cloud Project was a success once again. I was able to live my dreams again. No, no. We were able to live our dreams anew. I touched the clouds again and it was fun. Riding a plane is always fun. I remember you love clouds so much you even want to put them in plastic containers. We’ll do it again, don’t worry. We’ll do it again.

Work’s been getting harder. I felt more and more stressed ~or probably I am just making it stressful. I don’t know if I should resign or keep my job until I found another. I have no plans right now. Just trying to fix small things before deciding what I wanted to do ~long term. I had two client complaints before the year ended. One was a major complaint. Took me a week to recover.

This very moment, I have been eagerly wanting to speak with Mom about my work and my plans but I think this isn’t a good time. At least I have to wait until the household finances are stable.

Some things were out of track the past months. I’ve been having problems with my other sideline, a publishing company. I said to myself that I’ll try to settle things before the year ends but I never did. I’ve been on no-communications with them and they have been contacting me. I guess I should write them an explanation. Yeah, I owe them an explanation.

One more thing, I wasn’t able to concentrate on our projects because of this other distraction. I never regret it though. Online gaming had taken lots of time away from me. Those time wasted was all good, I swear. I was able to bond with my brother and my cousins. I would even waste more time because I would love to share moments with them.

Another good news, the Wall Project was nicely done. I’ll take pictures of it to show to the world and then the original plan will be executed ~I’ll be burning them or putting them on trash. I have to dispose them as this is an essential process that we must not be attached to worldly things. Kiddo, I know, everything on that wall is a memory. Everything in there is special. I will discard them but the memory shall remain in us.

One day of November, I thought of practicing how to sing. I did it regardless if I’m anxious or euphoric. I sang in the kitchen. I sang in the bathroom. I sang while at work. I sang my heart out. I sang because I know I’ll be good at it someday. And you are the one who taught me to never give up. I’ll continue to sing.

I am also cooking now. Experimenting in the kitchen ~giving it a try. I wanted Mom and Dad to eat good food. I would love to cook for them even just on weekends. I’ll try harder.

Fortunately, Brother has cockroaches, spiders, and scorpions under his bed. I told him to put the roaches outside because it made noises at night. And I think they made me itch. The spiders, I love them. They were gentle and they’re cool. If I became a superhero, I would want a spider for a pet to help me save the world.

Hey, old self, I am happy right now ~Despite all things happened. Sure, I’ve made mistakes. Too many mistakes but they were the beautiful and glorious kind of mistakes. I made mistakes yet I’m still awesome.

Lastly, we aren’t there yet.

But I will take you there. Don’t worry. I’ll do everything to take you there.

P.S.:

You are the awesomest because you made me remember that I am always awesome.

I composed that letter on September 22, 2010.  Futureme.org send me my letter on the same day of 2011.

I’m replying too late because I am not yet ready to make a letter for my past self ~probably ashamed of myself not having accomplished much for over the year. 😀 It’s just cool to receive a letter from myself.

Try it. Try it. Try it. This is legit.

Wander To the Moon and Back

I would turn on the radio, search for a classical or a mellow station. I would close the lights and lie on my bed. I would look into the ceiling until my mind travels somewhere place. Slowly, ‘that’ part of me is drifting away. Wandering aimlessly to a portion of space. Whatever surrounding me becomes intangible. The light and darkness and every colors become haste. Then a phantasm of surreal objects emerges. Time ticking and I no longer hear the music.. I no longer feel my bed.. I was drawn-out away from my room.

 

I am Nowhere.

Believe me, when you are already on that ‘nowhere place,’ it’s dang hard coming back to reality. But why would you dare escape a realm so serene and pacific? For a minute, I won’t allow myself to leave that enchanted place.

But for another minute, I will argue with myself.

I have to get back to my reality, as this place was not meant to be mine. I shouldn’t even be here in the first place. Little by little, it becomes dark. Slowly, I would feel my back lying on my bed. The volume of the radio getting clearer.. Coming back into my senses, I would realize I am on that familiar place, my bedroom.

I would find myself staring at the ceiling.. and I’ll ask myself again for the thousandth times, ‘why did I return?’

Ang Paglalakad sa Pagitan ng Hatinggabi at Madaling Araw sa Madilim at Mahabang Kalye

Pumara ako at patalon na bumaba ng jeep.

Humarap ako sa madilim at infinite na kalye ng Biyoleta–kailangan ko na namang lakarin ang walang katapusan na eskinitang ‘to sa disoras ng gabi at lagpasan ang isang higanteng puno. Malaking puno na dinisenyuhan ng umaapaw na dahon, mahahabang sanga, at pinamamahayan ng mga kalapati slash paniki. Isang puno na nauna pang iniluwal ng lupa bago pa man ako ipinanganak. 

Habang naglalakad ay lagi na lang akong napapatigil sa harap ng puno.  Gayunpaman, kailangan kong pigilin ang sarili na usisain ang kung anong mayroon sa tuktok nito. O sa kinatitirikan nito. O sa mga sanga nito.

Madalas ay nililibang ko na lang ang aking sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagtitig sa malawak na kalawakan habang naglalakad–iisipin ko na lang yung mga kwento ng uncle ko kung paano gagamutin ang isang giraffe na may stiff neck, o kung paanong patitigilin ang runny nose ng isang elepante, o ang sumasakit na tiyan ng ahas. Pero sa tuwing nililibang ko ang sarili sa kung anu-anong ideya eh bigla na lang hahangin ng malakas at magliliparan ang mga kalapati slash paniki mula sa sanga ng malaking puno. Kasabay nang paglipad ng mga nilalang na’to ay ang pagtakip ng bulto-bultong ulap sa kabilugan ng buwan. At sa tuwing ganito ang senaryo, ang tanging pinagkukuhaan ko na lamang ng lakas para makapaglakad papalayo ay ang poste ng ilaw na sampung metro ang layo sa akin. Bubuwelo ako para makatakbo at sasabayan ng aking mga paa ang dumadagundong na tibok ng puso ko.

Kapag nakalayo na ay muli kong nililingon ang pinagmumulan ng aking katatakutan. Uusisain ko kung nakadikit pa rin sa akin ang aking anino, pagmamasdan ang puno kung umalis ba ito sa kinatitirikan nito, at susulyapan ang langit kung naging dalawa ba ang buwan. Sinusuri kong mabuti kung naging kulay itim at puti ba ang kulay ng buong cosmos.

Pero malulungkot ako dahil walang nagbago sa mundo.

At gaya ng dati, magpapatuloy ako sa paglalakad at mararating ang tapat ng bahay namin. Mapapasulyap muli sa aking likuran at pagmamasdan ang tinahak kong infinitesimal eskinita at mapagtatanto na tahimik pa rin ang kalsada at tanging ihip ng hangin lamang ang pabalik-balik na dumaraan dito. Ang mga kalapati slash paniki na padaop-daop sa malaking puno ay nagmimistulang gamu-gamo sa mga umaapoy na sanga at patuloy pa rin sa paglalaro ng tagu-taguan ang mga anino at liwanag na ibinubuga ng patay-sinding ilaw ng poste.

Maiisip ko na lang, kailan kaya ako magkakaroon ng stalker para maging exciting naman ang buhay ko sa tuwing maglalakad ako, sa pagitan ng hatinggabi at madaling araw, dito sa madilim at mahabang kalye? 

Stardust

By Fauxx

In ships, they would turn off the lights at night on the bridge, the place where the captain navigates. That’s why the whole place is usually dark. Being a young boy then, I thought, “Why would anybody turn the lights off and grope in the dark while you navigate a huge ship?”

Is that faith?

Not really. But I learned that one of the reasons is for the crew to see other ships ahead with their lights, or the lighthouses, so they know how far away the land is. The darker it becomes, the brighter the lights.

The clearer it is to know where the ship is and where it is going.

There is a nugget of wisdom from that. Especially when you are cruising in the darkest moments of your journey.

Also, If you ever find yourself in a ship at night time, go to that dark place and try to look up. On a cloudless sky, you will see stars. It is vastly different from the stars and the sky we have in the city. The city has gone too bright and it kills the light of the faintest of stars.

At sea, these specks of light, the brightest and the less conspicuous, literally twinkle; and are literally innumerable. At that moment the twinkling star concept comes out of the metaphor of books and hallmark cards and you realize their meaning.

Somehow you would begin to understand why people in the ancient times marvel at the celestial sky. This is one of the reason why I enjoy travelling by sea and maybe the reason still why people then didn’t need a TV.

Do you know that even though light travels at the fastest immeasurable speed humans have speculated, it would still take millions of years for the light of the nearest stars to reach our planet?

Think about it, even if one star changes from supernova to white dwarf, (feel free to correct my literal astronomical lapses) it would take many years for us to see it. The very stars that we may be looking at right now may have been long gone many million years ago… they are just bright phantoms of their glorious shining moments.

And technically, when we gaze up, we are looking back in time.

Time.

Short of being true or otherwise, I dread the upcoming days.

I do not intend to go back in time, but I do want it to freeze… even for a moment. And breathe in each second. Maybe make something out of them, like what people did with the stars. Map out my own constellations from the stars of distant past memories and moments. And maybe take a souvenir from each.

Everything was made beautiful. Fearfully and wonderfully made, one way or another.

—–

Stardust originated from stars like a souvenir from what they might have been before. But in the end, gathering stardust is still gathering dust.

—–

The guy who illegally owned the name Fauxx is the author of the unpublished psychograph. He sprinkles courage to other players when playing Bluff, a card game. While I am the literary editor of our Filipino newspaper back in high school, Fauxx is one of the editors in our English Newspaper 😀

Pabasa Party

Sharing sharing na ito ha!

Kasali ang pamilya namin sa nag-o-organize ng Pabasa sa street namin. Meron kase kaming kapitbahay na may panata na hanggat nabubuhay siya ay magpapabasa siya ng pasyon ni bossing Jesus tuwing holy week.. At totoo naman, tupad na tupad nga naman niya ang kanyang pangako.

Nagbiro pa nga siya last year na baka wala ng Pabasa this year dahil tigok na tigok na siya. Pero guess what, buhay pa rin ang kapitbahay naming ‘yon. Ayaw siguro siya kuhain ni Lord dahil bonggang-bongga ang ginagawa nilang Pabasa.

Dahil ang daddy ko ay technician, napakarami naming stereo/speaker sa bahay. At ‘yun ang ginagamit tuwing may Pabasa dito sa amin. Bawat pamilya dito sa eskinita namin eh sumasali sa pag-o-organize ng Pabasa. Meron kaming isang kapitbahay na nag ke-cater ng party needs kaya sila ang may sagot ng chairs and tables. Ang nakakalungkot nga lang, yung isang matanda na malapit sa amin na tumutulong sa pag-oorganize ng Pabasa eh namayapa na. Siguro kapag nawala silang lahat– at henerasyon na namin (mga anak nila) ang natira, eh, siguro wala ng magpapatuloy ng Pabasa.

Naisip ko na nakakalungkot din pala. Malamang sa malamang eh mami-miss ko rin ang ideya na hindi ako pinapatulog ng mga nagpapasyon.

Balik tayo sa kwento. Dahil nga ang daddy ko ay isang technician, napakarami rin naming microphone para suportahan ang isang concert ni Regine Velasquez. At tama kayo, kung gaano karami ang stereo/speaker namin ay ganoon din karami ang gagamiting microphone para sa pabasa. 

Anyways.

Ang point ko lang is– kaya nakapost itong artic na ‘to ay dahil nagising ako sa dagundong ng kanta ng mga Pabasa. Hmft, sana mag-brown out! ‘Di, joke lang. Wag naman.. Nagko-computer pala ako! 

No One can See the Beginning of Time

“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. What if you got it back?” – shared to me by my cousin who is reading “For One More Day” by Mitch Albom.

 

No one can see the beginning of time: that is the universal law.

I’ll be the biggest fan of someone who will be faithful in investing his time and money just to invent a time machine. Anyone who has the reverie in discovering the secrets of warpholes and portkeys and realms of the unknown just to correct his mistake from the past.

But to time travel and to play the game of the Gods in maneuvering destiny, verve and space is not a ground zero anymore. It would be an offense to go reverse time. It would be a crime to travel the future.

But if I can, then I will. I’ll control the world through my hands. I will draw the history and conduct the future of how I want it to be. I will travel flipside and backside time.

And if all these for the price of death, it’s okay with me.

I will risk.
I will risk for someone.


Ow, I discern what you desire to utter?

**Life is influence by the laws of the universe.