Tatlong Berbalang

Nakatambay ako sa mundo ng limbo at biglaan eh nagsimula na rin akong managinip.

Sa panaginip ko ay alam kong may tatlong Berbalang (maysataong hitsura, kahawig ng bampira ngunit may mga pakpak at pahabang mga mata.) Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero alam ko na may atraso ako sa tatlong halimaw. Alam kong may gusto silang makuha sa akin na hindi ko naman alam kung ano rin. At sa maraming kasagutan na hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling, alam kong ito ang gabi ng kanilang pagdalaw.

Papatayin ng Unang Berbalang ang mga kaibigan ko.

Pero handa rin akong makipagpatayan para sa kanila.

At nagsimula ang engkwentro ko sa unang halimaw. Hardcore action-packed ang nangyari. Wala man lang akong armas na gamit pero proud ako dahil pisikalan ang labanan. Tadyak at suntok. Hila at tulak. Sampal at kalmot. Pero malakas ang halimaw.  Noong tumilapon ako, doon nito nilapitan ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko. Biglaan– at naging dugo na ang kulay ng paligid. Doon na’ko nagalit. Napatay ko ‘yung berbalang sa kung paano sinapak ni Gon si Neferpitou. Sa mukha. Solid na suntok sa mukha hanggang sa malagas ang ilong, ang mata, at ang mga ngipin.

Nagising ako mula sa panaginip ko. Galit na galit ako. Nagising ako dahil galit ako.

Pero kahit galit ako– eh natatakot pa rin ako matulog. Dahil sa panaginip ko ay may natitira pang dalawang Berbalang. Alam ko na ‘yung ikalawang Berbalang ay gaganti sa pamilya ko.

At ‘yung ikatlo naman ang papatay sa akin.

Time check: 2:40 ng madaling araw. Nagkaroon ng tagtuyot sa lalamunan ko. Have to get up to drink some water. Gising pa si Daddy pero wala siya sa living room. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para uminom. Pagbalik ko sa sala eh kinausap ako ni Daddy at nagkwento.

Doon ko nabalitaan.

 

RIP, Joey Boy.

Fan Mail Para Kay Lord

Lord,

Yung ibang tao ay nanghihingi ng peace of mind, ng strength of the body, at ng swerte para sa pagdating ng 2014. Year of the Wooden Horse ‘ata pero ‘di ko alam. ‘Di ko na niresearch dahil hindi rin naman ako naniniwala kung anong year of the animal ‘yan.

Pero ako, Lord, iba ang gusto ko this coming year. I’ll make bullets and numbering para hindi na po kayo mahirapan.

1. Bigyan mo po ako ng flirting prowess para naman makalandi ako this coming year; at ‘di ko na po kailangan ‘yang wisdom wisdom na yan para matagpuan ang tunay na happiness.
2. Luminaw pa sana ng slight (lang naman) ‘tong mata ko dahil di ko na po talaga makita ang mga gwapo at magaganda sa layong 10 meters away from me. Kahit 200 na lang ang grado ng mata ko dahil ‘di ko na rin po makita kung may natirang pulbos sa mukha ko.
3. Pagtibayin mo po lalo ang aking pananaw na mas maganda pa rin bumili sa ukayan.
4. Isa pa, Lord, di ko kailangan ng swerte. Bigyan mo ako ng pera. Yung cold cash. Yung mga senaryo na tagapagmana pala ako ng isang hacienda. Yung ganyan.
5. Sige na nga. Gusto ko na rin ng long life and good health.

Kung kailangan magtanggal ng isa, kahit wag na yang lablayp na yan. Tutal, kahit walang lablayp pwede naman magkaroon ng sekslayp. Di, joke lang.

Nalaman ko na po kung ano ang gusto kong gawin buong buhay ko. Sana payagan niyo ako magawa ‘yun. Gusto ko sana magsulat lang nang magsulat. Gawing trabaho ang pagsusulat. Gawing pahinga ang pagsusulat. At gawing pag-ibig ang pagsusulat.

Minsan eh gusto ko pa rin maging isang unicorn pero okay lang kahit hindi na ‘yun matupad.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na po kailangan ‘yang happiness na yan na matagal ko nang winiwish-a-wish. Mas okay na sa akin ang contentment.

Yung kontento na po ako na meron akong walong bank accounts na puro million-dollar ang laman, malaking bahay, younger-looking skin, at space ship. Thank you, Lord. Thank you sa lahat.

I remain a perfect being,
Akso Rojas

Because The World Did Not End in 2011 ~I Should Receive a Mail

I wrote to myself a year and some months ago. Hell, I had actually forgotten it.

 

Hey, Kiddo.

Finally, your letter arrived.

Somehow, at one point over the past year, I am excited to receive your correspondence ~but I have waited in agony and became oblivious of your mail.

Firstly, I am still awesome.

I still think of myself as awesome. All good. The year that was had been good to me. I am continuing the assignments you have given me. Some projects were finished, some were still on progress ~and I do not have any idea as to when I’ll finish the remaining projects. You know, it’s kinda hard as there were lots of distractions along the way.

Some months later after you composed your letter for me, I started to cut my diet by not eating carbohydrates. And that was stupid. I’ve been eating meat cooked in an unhealthy process and that made me sick. I’m taking too much protein without doing exercises. I’ve been taking vitamins and supplements without fruits and veggies on my meal. I reduced the carbs on my diet and the last thing I knew was I’m maxxing out my health card. The diet crashed me and I lose weight. I lose weight and I did not like it. My body collapsed. It took me until some months before I regained what I lost. Hell, you know I just wanted to look good.

And then I stopped blogging for a moment because of the projects slash dreams both you and I wanted. We’d give everything just to get those dreams, nah. All things are progressing according to plan but in the middle of everything, I realized I did not know what I’m doing. No, no. ~I am just having some hard times. I told myself that I wanna take some rest. Believe me, my endeavors were there but the inspirations were gone.

So I took a hiatus on everything. I removed myself from ‘my’ social networking life to be able to do all things I love. You know, it’s nice to be back living my life again. It’s nice to do laundry at night. It’s nice to clean my bedroom. And I told myself I’ll be on social networks less and less because it’s consuming much of my time that I should have been spending with every one else at home and to myself.

Yes, yes. The Cloud Project was a success once again. I was able to live my dreams again. No, no. We were able to live our dreams anew. I touched the clouds again and it was fun. Riding a plane is always fun. I remember you love clouds so much you even want to put them in plastic containers. We’ll do it again, don’t worry. We’ll do it again.

Work’s been getting harder. I felt more and more stressed ~or probably I am just making it stressful. I don’t know if I should resign or keep my job until I found another. I have no plans right now. Just trying to fix small things before deciding what I wanted to do ~long term. I had two client complaints before the year ended. One was a major complaint. Took me a week to recover.

This very moment, I have been eagerly wanting to speak with Mom about my work and my plans but I think this isn’t a good time. At least I have to wait until the household finances are stable.

Some things were out of track the past months. I’ve been having problems with my other sideline, a publishing company. I said to myself that I’ll try to settle things before the year ends but I never did. I’ve been on no-communications with them and they have been contacting me. I guess I should write them an explanation. Yeah, I owe them an explanation.

One more thing, I wasn’t able to concentrate on our projects because of this other distraction. I never regret it though. Online gaming had taken lots of time away from me. Those time wasted was all good, I swear. I was able to bond with my brother and my cousins. I would even waste more time because I would love to share moments with them.

Another good news, the Wall Project was nicely done. I’ll take pictures of it to show to the world and then the original plan will be executed ~I’ll be burning them or putting them on trash. I have to dispose them as this is an essential process that we must not be attached to worldly things. Kiddo, I know, everything on that wall is a memory. Everything in there is special. I will discard them but the memory shall remain in us.

One day of November, I thought of practicing how to sing. I did it regardless if I’m anxious or euphoric. I sang in the kitchen. I sang in the bathroom. I sang while at work. I sang my heart out. I sang because I know I’ll be good at it someday. And you are the one who taught me to never give up. I’ll continue to sing.

I am also cooking now. Experimenting in the kitchen ~giving it a try. I wanted Mom and Dad to eat good food. I would love to cook for them even just on weekends. I’ll try harder.

Fortunately, Brother has cockroaches, spiders, and scorpions under his bed. I told him to put the roaches outside because it made noises at night. And I think they made me itch. The spiders, I love them. They were gentle and they’re cool. If I became a superhero, I would want a spider for a pet to help me save the world.

Hey, old self, I am happy right now ~Despite all things happened. Sure, I’ve made mistakes. Too many mistakes but they were the beautiful and glorious kind of mistakes. I made mistakes yet I’m still awesome.

Lastly, we aren’t there yet.

But I will take you there. Don’t worry. I’ll do everything to take you there.

P.S.:

You are the awesomest because you made me remember that I am always awesome.

I composed that letter on September 22, 2010.  Futureme.org send me my letter on the same day of 2011.

I’m replying too late because I am not yet ready to make a letter for my past self ~probably ashamed of myself not having accomplished much for over the year. 😀 It’s just cool to receive a letter from myself.

Try it. Try it. Try it. This is legit.

Writing Exercises: Write A Letter To Someone Who Will Never Read It

Write a letter to someone who will never read it.

To my Uncle who was never born,

Ow, Sir, pic is unrelated. Although that [she] is one of my favorite characters in one of the anime I am hook right now.

By the way, how have you been Unc? You might be wondering how in the world I knew about you. Well, they introduced you to me when I was 7 or probably younger. They told me little stories about your fleeting life–and that you are in heaven right now. That’s alright, Unc. I couldn’t be much happier for you up there.

Unc, every time I am looking at you, I wish you did grow up at the same time with Dad, Tito Arnold and Tito Jim. I wish I have known you even just for a while.. but that would be sadder, at least on my mind’s perspective, as either one of us will be taken from each other–by Death.

Uncle, it’s very lame of me telling you all these things so I have one favor to ask you. Along with all of my pet dogs, I want you to be the one escorting me when my time comes. I’ll probably forget about this favor thing but make me remember, please. And in return, I will tell you stories about all your pamangkins.

I remain,

Your awesome nephew ~Akso Rojas ;]


Letter To My Future Better Half

“I just read a letter today. Someone’s letter for someone he hasn’t met yet. Someone who may not exist. Someone just like you. I thought you could have written one for me so I have written one for you just the same.” ~ Fauxx’ Unsent Letter to Someone From the Future

Yo,

I thought of using “My Destiny” or “Dear Better Half” as greetings but I think it’s overkill.

It’s 1:46 in the morning and I really need to sleep so let’s make this a quick informal one. But first again, I should be sleeping right now (yeah, I have to emphasize that I should have been sleeping at this time of the night) but this little voice inside me whimpers that I have to write something for you before I put myself to slumber.

So real business mode.

I am in ‘the’ state of wishful thinking that you’ve already found me. I imagine that while I walk the dim-lighted street every night, you are somewhere stalking me ~ hiding behind every lamp post I passes while I whistle a Canon in D. You know about me already and I, on the other hand, don’t know that you exist yet.

I don’t know. Maybe not.

But I can’t also deny the probability that I already found you long ago. I may have bumped on you while I walk my way to the university. I may have said sorry but you didn’t care. Still, I knew it was you because I felt ‘it’. I felt something that is unknown to me not until I met you. It was that unique feeling–that I happen to feel only to you amongst the hundred people I already knew. 

But then again, I could be wrong.

Because you are actually my childhood playmate who knows my childhood dreams. You and I played a lot and shared humongous wall of memories. That I need not search the world because you are just a house away from me. How could I miss that one important sign that it was you all along? And all my wasted time searching, I should have wasted on you.

But again, on the nth time, this theory is wrong.

I may have found you already or I haven’t yet but I still believe in the idea that You and I will meet someday (again). With this presumption, I can really go to sleep now ~because who knows, I’ll be meeting you later tonight in a scenario I haven’t thought of yet. If that happens, please remind me that it is you I am searching for.

But of course, I won’t believe you just like that.

Eureka on Dad’s Notebook

Proposition:  my joy,

Since i could not avail myself with any opportunity i then could only writtenly express myself to you… for occasion seems to be hostile to the intention which i have longed to impart.  Also, sometimes a feeling of hesitation comes within me for i could foresee the consequences of this revelation, if, by chance, you’ll take this act of mine as a mere joke of my love ventures.  Nevertheless, to keep this instinctive emotion only by myself will no doubt lead me to nowhere.

In the past years of my life, never have i known a person of such character as you have.  i’m very proud to have met a person like you.  In a manner of speaking, it seems to me that i have already known you for a very long period of time, even if we have met and have known each other for only a short period, ago.

…it may be surprising but i think i’m in love with you… i don’t just think that i am in love with you but i know and i am certain that i do.  this must be surprising to you, but it surprised me also when i came to think that i was missing you than what i shoud have felt naturally.

Very surprising indeed.  But isn’t love very noble? to fall in love is not to like someone for her brains or beauty alone but it is in its true sense – self giving which is primarily based on trust and understanding.

9785-2B

**This is composed by my Dad, probably, when he was on his teenage years. I guess nineteen years of age or probably early twenties. I really do not know. Grammars are not edited to preserve originality of what my Dad wanted to express to the recipient/s of this letter. I found his notebook while cleaning the house years ago.. Didn’t tell him about it and up until now, I claimed it to be my possession. He probably didn’t know until today that I do have his three notebooks, and I am not going to tell him anyway. It was weird, back teenage years, I also do not capitalize my ‘I’ when writing.. And yes, this isn’t a letter for my Mom. I asked Mom if this was for hers, she said it’s not. She said it’s for my Dad’s ex. Mom’s answer is without jealousy and envy.. So probably, that’s what love is. Self giving, trust and understanding.

Are There People Like Me Out There

Dear Mr. Nonsense:

One windy afternoon of November 28, 1996, while I was holding a bunch of newspapers, I felt an electric-tingling sensation on my hands. I got dizzy for some seconds and almost fell on the floor. The next thing I knew, all the newspapers I am grasping started to burn. Cloaked in shocked, I threw them away at once. The papers were completely burned leaving ashes on the floor. That is my first experience of a defied-law-of-physics phenomenon. Yes. There was nothing to trigger the fire. No air substance and no friction force to combust and inflame the papers.

It was weird. It was cool. And I am just 10 years of age that time.

I thought that that would be the last bizarre thing that will happen in my life not until I reached sixth grade. On my 12th birthday, I was able to burn trees. Those trees are dang alive literally. They change places.  They could speak. And they are going to kill me. The trees’ roots were able to pierce the ground cutting whatever is standing above its confined territory. I gawk at one tree and a root penetrated through the soil. I was able to dodge the attack but it cut through my left shoulder. I was frightened. I was in total fear. I felt the ground is shaking and I knew more roots are going to cut and slash me.  If those roots come up again, there is no possibility that I will survive the attack. I looked at the trees again, I wish for a moment that they would disappear. I hope that someone would vanquish them.  I want them to leave me alone.

I stared at the trees with terror in my eyes. Then I looked at my own blood, and glanced back at the trees again.

I glanced back– wanting the trees to vanish. Vanish in an instant. And much to my surprise, they began to burn. They are being flamed and the fire seems like a parasite eating up those creatures. I could hear the trees screamed with echo roaming the forest.  

Then comes total silence. And their ashes were woven by the wind.

I know. I burned those trees by merely looking at them. But what matter most is that I am saved.. but for this time only. Still, I was confused, disheveled.

 

All I am certain is that I am scared of my newfound power.

I remain,

Rummage Around

Schizophrenic,

You told me long time ago that you just needed someone to talk to… you just desired someplace where you can hide and bury the things you wish to be forgotten. And that you just fancy for a friend.

I still commit to memory when you first ask me what my name is. And I can still picture out– every single breath– I told you that my name is You. How weird you didn’t act in response to that query and that your counter whisk is to smile. May I know how much in extent you really know me because in each degree I move my psyche, you seem to perceive what my thoughts are?

I want to obtain answers from you. Answers that would create lucid facts of who I really am.

Would you be kind enough to bring me back in my world.

Your second personality,

Insanity

PS:

Oblivion ask me to bring back time.